I remember being around 12 years old, playing ‘bano’ outside our ‘plot’ after a very long day of skipping ‘blada’ back in school. Mike and Gracie were always outside their flats holding hands and I kept wondering if I would ever be as ‘big’ as they were with someone to hold hands with. They would sneak behind the houses to make out oblivious of our curious 12-year-old selves a few feet away from them, watching their every move. Once they were done making out, they would hold hands again and Gracie would be given a ‘push’ to her gate.
I was low key jealous of Gracie since I had the biggest crush on Mike; he was my first crush. This may have been because he called me his girlfriend once. Mike wherever you are, you hurt a girl’s feelings. It is so sad that Mike was also a player. I did not know what that meant at that time, but I would occasionally see him cosying up to a different girl outside the very flats. Of course, I still thought Mike was mine despite all his actions, LMAO…
Fast forward to my 20 something year old self. No one could ever prepare me for this type of disappointment. How is there no manual for dating? Someone should have told me how much of a pain a heart break is, not one, not two, but several. It feels like the pain Stefan (of vampire diaries) felt when his brother Damon put a dagger in his heart. It’s never a pretty scene when one is heartbroken, you think about the good times, the bad ones, you cry for endless days, at times you blame yourself for having believed their lies or that they’d be there forever. You probably saw yourself walk down the aisle, the irony huh?
Girrrrl, snap out of it. You deserve a man who treats you like the queen you are, a man who will be your number one cheerleader. One who will listen to you complain about the awful day you’ve had at work, while massaging your feet. One who you’ll ‘sheneneka’ (gossip) with, high five at your jokes because he’s your best friend, a place of zero judgement.
Three is a crowd, mamacita. Do not settle for a man who thinks having women from all corners of the city makes him macho. I believe the bible says a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife…which version exactly says wives? Huh?? If he cannot stay faithful, he is not the man for you, no matter what the reason is.
Do not stay in a relationship where a man puts his hands on you. Some of us have been led to believe if he doesn’t beat you, he doesn’t love you. Wakanda sorcery is this?? Baby girl, leave him to fight his own demons, you deserve better. You will end up in a body bag, if you do not think otherwise. If he wants to fight, he better be fighting for you, your future and not fighting you. A real man will never lay his hands on a woman he loves.
Can we talk about unromantic men??Men who only think that romance is only found in the bedroom. Seriously? We need classes in dating. To all the men out there, you see the gadget that is 90% of the time in your hands, how about you put to use and do your research?! Every woman wants to feel special, take her out once every week, yes every week, this is what courtship is damn it! Learn her love language, is it gifts? Words of affirmation? Acts of service? Go google the rest. Ladies too, learn your man’s love language, they too want to feel special, behind that masculine beard, hairy chest and six pack, is a very sensitive man. He will not feel comfortable showing it, as he has been brought up to know that a real man does not show his emotions (rolls eyes).
Finally Ladies, Find you a man who isn’t afraid to admit he misses you, who knows that you’re not perfect, but treats you as if you are. Don’t chase, don’t beg, don’t stress, don’t be desperate, just relax.
When you relax, it will come to you, make your wants, want you.