MY TWO CENTS ON DATING

I remember being around 12 years old, playing ‘bano’ outside our ‘plot’ after a very long day of skipping ‘blada’ back in school. Mike and Gracie were always outside their flats holding hands and I kept wondering if I would ever be as ‘big’ as they were with someone to hold hands with. They would sneak behind the houses to make out oblivious of our curious 12-year-old selves a few feet away from them, watching their every move. Once they were done making out, they would hold hands again and Gracie would be given a ‘push’ to her gate.

I was low key jealous of Gracie since I had the biggest crush on Mike; he was my first crush. This may have been because he called me his girlfriend once.  Mike wherever you are, you hurt a girl’s feelings. It is so sad that Mike was also a player. I did not know what that meant at that time, but I would occasionally see him cosying up to a different girl outside the very flats. Of course, I still thought Mike was mine despite all his actions, LMAO…

Fast forward to my 20 something year old self. No one could ever prepare me for this type of disappointment. How is there no manual for dating? Someone should have told me how much of a pain a heart break is, not one, not two, but several. It feels like the pain Stefan (of vampire diaries) felt when his brother Damon put a dagger in his heart. It’s never a pretty scene when one is heartbroken, you think about the good times, the bad ones, you cry for endless days, at times you blame yourself for having believed their lies or that they’d be there forever. You probably saw yourself walk down the aisle, the irony huh?

Girrrrl, snap out of it. You deserve a man who treats you like the queen you are, a man who will be your number one cheerleader. One who will listen to you complain about the awful day you’ve had at work, while massaging your feet. One who you’ll ‘sheneneka’ (gossip) with, high five at your jokes because he’s your best friend, a place of zero judgement.

Three is a crowd, mamacita. Do not settle for a man who thinks having women from all corners of the city makes him macho. I believe the bible says a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife…which version exactly says wives? Huh?? If he cannot stay faithful, he is not the man for you, no matter what the reason is.

Do not stay in a relationship where a man puts his hands on you. Some of us have been led to believe if he doesn’t beat you, he doesn’t love you. Wakanda sorcery is this?? Baby girl, leave him to fight his own demons, you deserve better. You will end up in a body bag, if you do not think otherwise. If he wants to fight, he better be fighting for you, your future and not fighting you. A real man will never lay his hands on a woman he loves.

Can we talk about unromantic men??Men who only think that romance is only found in the bedroom. Seriously? We need classes in dating. To all the men out there, you see the gadget that is 90% of the time in your hands, how about you put to use and do your research?! Every woman wants to feel special, take her out once every week, yes every week, this is what courtship is damn it! Learn her love language, is it gifts? Words of affirmation? Acts of service? Go google the rest. Ladies too, learn your man’s love language, they too want to feel special, behind that masculine beard, hairy chest and six pack, is a very sensitive man. He will not feel comfortable showing it, as he has been brought up to know that a real man does not show his emotions (rolls eyes).

Finally Ladies, Find you a man who isn’t afraid to admit he misses you, who knows that you’re not perfect, but treats you as if you are. Don’t chase, don’t beg, don’t stress, don’t be desperate, just relax.

When you relax, it will come to you, make your wants, want you.

With Love,

Missy J.

DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND


Ola Amigos!

I know, i know…It’s been ages since you heard from me. Missed me;)? I missed yáll too. With the current situation in the country and the world, i finally have some time on my hands and i’m back like i never left.

This is a small letter to my future husband(if you are out there, pretty sure he is out there). Maybe before he shows up at my doorstep or slides into my DM(21st-century mkatiano) he will know what exactly he is getting himself into.

I’m not on tinder, this is Africa boo, nor will I be going on Ebru’s perfect match show looking for you(Most of the dudes there are a joke, lol), but patiently waiting for you. When the time is ripe, our paths shall cross. I may ignore you at first, this could be because of my ambiverted nature, but I’m sure you’ll be super amazed by this tall glass of hot chocolate, persistence is key my love 😍. Well, I’m in no rush to meet you, we have the rest of our lives together 💑,right? Before we get there, here are a few things that you might want to know about me:

I can be very indecisive, one minute I might want to go out, the next I’m not too sure if I should, why you ask? I cannot find anything to wear in my closet.😜,

Growing together – i hope you are a man that comes with something to offer. You may be a class 4 drop out, but have the right life skills, you may be a PhD holder, I appreciate your level of intelligence. All I ask for is support, and respect. Let’s not put each other down, rather be a couple that value each other’s opinion, a couple that listens. Lets be each others rock.

Dream destination you ask? I am a heliophole, well, kinda. I love the ocean, cool breeze, and the MALDIVES. I hope you love the ocean too bubbs. We’ll cuddle and watch the sunrise and the sunsets together. Me showing off this haaaaawt curvaceous body and you showing off your six pack(We don’t do kitambi’s here bubby, lol)

Have I told you about the fabulous proposal you have planned for me. With all my close neat fiends and family, and that comes after you have asked for my hand in marriage from my father. Do not take me from his wing without notice. I don’t expect him to ask for much, but that will be between you and him (mambo ya wazee). Back to the proposal, it should come as a surprise, I know I am nosy,(please take notes now…) but at times I can be very unaware of things. So please, on that very day, make sure I’m dressed to impress, those pictures will land on the millennial album, a.k.a Instagram. We do not want to be doing throw back pictures (TBT’s) with the caption ‘acha Mungu aitwe Mungu”.

Do we need to speak on Fidelity bubbs? Like you and I know we are meant for each other, together for eternity. It’s a two person relationship, until of course the kids come along. But ”Liekwisha” and ”Thotiana” may try and slide into your DMs, bubbs, do not fall into that trap, they will have you sleeping on the couch or in the dog house(evil smiley face). But on a serious note bubbs, infidelity is something i will not compromise on. #NuffSaid

What’s your take on Netflix and chilling bubbs? We can do that, or have our Friday Date nights. I mean, who doesn’t love to dress up for their mans?? Take pics, make memories, speak on what why you are so lenient with our first born daughter, plan for our future because team work makes the dream work. 💪

Let me know what you think about this few things bubby. Wherever you are, hasten your steps, quarantining alone is no easy task.☺️

With Love,

Your Future Wifey 💕

Diary Of A Kenyan Matatu Commuter

Dear Mr. Driver, when I board your matatu, I’m not looking for entertainment, I’m not looking to turn up, I’m not looking to go deaf, I simply want to reach my destination while minding my own business. So,please Mr.Driver switch off that Diamond Kwangwaru song, which honestly I have heard enough of. I do not want it to run my whole day, nor do I want to be dreaming of him. He has enough baby mamas, Zari might come for my head, while Hamisa my Legs. Do you really want my death on your hands? Let’s not kill me before my time. I also understand that we, Nairobi people are always in a rush, but surely Mr. Driver, haven’t you heard of the saying better safe than sorry? Why are you competing with Bus ‘412’? He barely has passengers in his Matatu, let him also get a few coins. Don’t be greedy Mr. Driver. I’ll get back to you, let me talk with your conductor,

Mr. Conductor, why do you honestly just mess up my budget? Why do you intentionally announce fare is 40 shillings but once we are at Two Rivers it suddenly becomes 50 shillings? Do you  not care about my well being?  Mr. Conductor, I may be stranded in town without 10 shillings and I’m sure I’ll receive loads of insults from you after I try bargaining and you’ll probably throw me out of the car. Respect my money Mr. Conductor, I respect your business as well. Mr. Conductor, I see a sticker on your matatu written ‘’A woman is not written in braille, you do not need to touch her to know her’’… Why do you put it there and don’t abide by it? I don’t care if I am in a tight skirt or trouser and my bahookie is showing, or dressed in a low chest vest and my bosom is calling, you should know better than to let your sticky hands anywhere near my body. I do not touch your money when you go around the bus showing it off, likewise, don’t touch me.

Before I forget Mr. Conductor, I don’t know why you think I’m confused about where I’m heading to. I may be going through a few issues in life or may have had a long day at work, but trust and believe sir, I know where I’m headed to. Don’t try push me in your matatu, it could be mistaken for kidnap sir, and I’m sure jail is the last place you want to end up in. Also Mr. Conductor, what is up with not getting me to my destination, Mr. Driver, I think you should also address this. Can we strike a deal? How about I pay fare once I’m at my destination? Let me know…

 

But just before I leave, allow me to address my fellow passengers. Dear sir and Madam, I understand that you have had a long day at work, but so have I. Why do you insist on laying your head on my shoulder and drooling all over me? Why do you insist on taking half of my seat? I have paid full amount for it you know…Sir, please keep your hands and leg to yourself… Madam, keep your eyes to yourself, and stop snooping on my text messages.

With all that being said, I appreciate every single matatu driver and conductor out there.

With Love,

Missy J.

WHY I WANT TO BE RICH AND WEALTHY

Let me start by defining being rich, flips through Jacky’s Dictionary,Rich~Having lots and lots of money:). Now that we have that out of the way, i would like to let you know that i can be overly observant, like i almost day dream while observing,it’s bad peeps. But on the other hand, I am able to write down my observations.

If you are observant like I am, you have definitely taken a keen interest on how rich and wealthy people behave,talk, etc.

To begin with, have you ever noticed how they never look at prices in restaurants when they order? They easily enter in five star hotels and order meals worth three months our home rent. The meals have the weirdest names.  For instance, some wealthy dude in a suave suit once ordered a French Salad worth 650 shillings just for starters. FRENCH SALAD IS JUST A FANCY NAME FOR GITHERI; the Chefs spice it up with boiled eggs and potatoes to add some swag but we all know that is githeri and mayai boilo. STAY WOKE! FRENCH SALADAnd the drinks,my gosh!, purified water at 800bob? and they don’t flinch.

Okay, let’s be honest, in my opinion, rich people have the wackest sense of fashion but make the cheapest clothes (za Eastleigh) look damn expensive! I guess when you have money, you make everything look expensive .

Rich people make a shaggy look, fashionable. For instance, look at Kanye west’s line. Ragged sweaters, pants, t-shirts, plastic shoes (that Kim Kardashian always wears) , looks absolutely gorgeous on them  until you are broke and you wear them, and  look like you are wearing all your problems.

kanye-west-frown-to-smile

This might be weird, but wealthy people smell really nice. They step out of their cars and the scent coming from inside is heavenly. They never smell like sweat, I mean you could be wearing the same cologne but smell different, how is that even possible?

In the era of snap chat and Instagram,everyone is documenting what they eat,drink, and more so where they spend their holidays and ‘vacations'(this is a term used by wealthy people). The wealthy are notoriously known for this, socialites especially. Vacations at the Hamptons, Hawaii, Italy, Mexico, the list is endless. The rest of us who are struggling, get to document how our new year, Easter holiday and Christmas was spent at our grandmothers or our parents place back upcountry. But hey, it’s all about what makes you happy,right?

We have been made to believe that riches and wealth are meant for specific people, while in the real sense,it’s for You, yes, you who is reading this. All you have to do is work harder and make wiser decisions.

This is me issuing a piece of counsel to you while also having a dose of it. I want to be that chic in red bottom heels in a Valentino dress, a Hermes bag,probably worth  a vitz, ordering three course Italian cuisine and a bottle of chardonnay.RICH MUCH?

 

With Love

Missy J.

 

 

 

5 Things They Don’t Tell you About Life After Campus

No one has it rough like the lads and lasses  fresh from campus, i mean  You have all these dreams and goals  while in campus about how life will be out in the real world, after all, you stayed in school while some of your friends dropped out. Right????,,,,nope… wrooooong!!!

A lot of you out there can relate to what i’m talking about. Some who may be  reading this might be unemployed yet have papers from high end universities across the globe. But some of the survival skills cannot be taught in school, you learn ones you are on the ground…

  1. The power of a side hustle

Having come from not a very well off background, i cannot insist enough on how much a side hustle can boost ones wallet. During my campus days(till now) i have been selling Mitumba Clothes and that really helped me especially during those days that i really needed money to maybe buy myself a nice pair of shoe or buy fancy outfits for the numerous events in school. Fast forward to now, it can be quite a struggle to juggle two jobs at once but if you can do it, then please, try it. Some side hustles that you can try out are maybe writing as a freelancer, Baking during your free time, freelance photography or join me in selling Mitumba(Second hand Clothes):)

    2. Having a university certificate doesn’t assure you of employment.

While many might disagree with me on this, many of the university graduates(including myself) can actually attest to it.  All that a certificate gives you is security while you are in search of the job of your dreams. People are out here hustling their asses off, people with degrees(note the plural form) have struggled and are still struggling in these streets. You’ll fall into the hands of employers that really don’t appreciate and see your worth, but never give up, you’ll get there.

3. How Nervous you’ll be attending your first interview.

I laugh my head off thinking about the very first interview i attended. Sweaty armpits, dry throat, blotted stomach, i used the toilet like 10 times in an hour, bruuuuh, it wasn’t funny. The night before that, i imagined myself in the room (i didn’t even  know the exact location)answering the questions and getting the job,lol. To be sincere, the interview went left from the beginning and unfortunately, i did not get the job. However, i learnt a lot from it. Never get discouraged, always put your best foot forward, know what you want and oh, make sure to do your background research( I didn’t).

4. Never burn bridges.

From the mama mboga, to the milk man to the the really annoying guy in the neighborhood, never dismiss or belittle anyone, You never know when and where you’ll need them.  You burn a bridge when you decide to quit your job with no communication to your employer, or when you ask for half a Kg of sugar from the shopkeeper and always use the alternative route to get home to avoid paying him or her. ”’Dunia ni Msumeno hukata mbele na nyuma”.

5. Networking

I hate small talk, but i have come to learn of it’s importance in the last 6 months. I am at times very awkward with people that look (in my head) classy and intimidating, like my mouth goes literally dry when i try to talk(my nerves though…smh). But like i’m always told, they are just people, they don’t bite.

How do you network you ask? In kenya it’s famously known as “connections”. Your aunty(the rich one your mum keeps on talking about but you’ve never met), yes, that one,try her, that lecturer that you always thought bragged about how much he or she knows people in your field of study, get their number, email, something!!???.  Persistence is key.

I hope this helps my fellow hustlers out there. We are in it together:)

”Someday everything will make perfect sense. So now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason ~Anonymous

 

with love’

Missy J.

 

 

 

 

 

 

ABOUT ME

hi there,

So ,as I type this, i’m really nervous, kind of wondering what i’m getting myself into but at the same time trying to convince myself that it’s never that serious. Some spirit inside me saying, you can always delete the account when it becomes  too overwhelming but HELL NO!!! i’mma do it.

Yes, now comes the introduction. Jackline Kainyu Mwiti, 2* 🙂 years of age(FOREVER 21). I’ve been thinking of starting a blog for the longest time ever, but always managed to convince myself out of it. I guess my insecurities of how i could not be a good writer got to me. But hey, the time is now, and i’m gonna write.

My blog will be sort of an open one. Meaning i’ll be writing about everything and anything including relationships,religion, celebrity scandal, and life at large. If you are reading this, watch out for me!!I’m the next big thing!

Don’t forget to always leave a comment and share.

Love,

Missy J.